Personal Loss
by AngstRiddenTeenager
Summary: COMPLETE! Elizabeth and Courtney share something in common. Can they see past their petty arguments and become friends or will Jason come between them again? Please read & review. Thanks!
1. Loss

She had made up her mind; she was going to tell him. Her father had been the deciding factor. She knew that he was right, that Jason deserved to know that in nine months he would be a father.  
  
She hadn't wanted to tell him because of the stress of searching for Carly. This was the worst possible time for this to happen. They both wanted a family but this was not the best time to start one.  
  
She started telling him and then her throat felt as if it froze shut. She could not speak.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked, "What was so important that you wanted me to know?"  
  
She lied, "Nothing."  
  
He looked at her confused. Just a minute ago she had acted strange and just as suddenly it had disappeared.  
  
"Not important. It can wait." She mumbled.  
  
She did not want to lie but she felt as if she had no choice. The courage she had just a minute before had disappeared, leaving a feeling of guilt in its place.  
  
She swore to herself that she would tell him the instant Carly was found. She would let him know and he would forgive her momentary lapse in judgement. But even that she was not sure of.  
  
She mumbled something incoherent and ran across the hall before he could question her. She closed and locked the door, as if that would keep him out. She climbed up the stairs, carefully, reminded of how Elizabeth and Carly had lost babies.  
  
At the top of the stairs she turned around and looked down at the floor below. She considered it only momentarily and then felt sick to her stomach that the thought had even crossed her mind. Never.  
  
She walked into the bathroom, turned on the light, and looked at herself long and hard in the mirror. She looked for signs of her pregnancy, as if it was written all over her face.  
  
"Why now?" She asked the little one in side of her.  
  
* * *  
  
It was late afternoon, before the dinner rush and after the lunch rush. Elizabeth looked around at the empty diner and thought back to the many memories that had taken place there.  
  
Immediately her thoughts went to Lucky; their meeting outside, the last dinner they had before the fire, and the apartments they had lived in upstairs. Life had been simple before the fire and she had been naïve.  
  
Her thoughts immediately went to Rick and the apartment he had rented when he came to Port Charles. She remembered seeing his files on Sonny, his yelling at her to stay away, and eventually his pleading at her to forgive him and let him be a father to their child.  
  
So much had happened in her life, in and out of these walls, and in a way they became her 'safe place'. No matter where life took her, down a good road or a bad road, the area within these walls never changed. When serving customers she knew the menu by heart, knew the regulars by name, and knew that everyone came around for the best coffee in town.  
  
Finally, her thoughts drifted from Rick to the little baby she had hardly known. She knew it was a girl the second she realized she was pregnant. At first she wanted to deny that Rick had anything to do with it. At the time he was out of her life and she wanted it to stay that way. She imagined buying her little girl her first dress, doing their nails together, playing dolls with one another, and sharing every moment that mattered in her daughter's life.  
  
The moment Elizabeth had lost her baby it hurt the most when she realized that she would never share these moments with her daughter. It was as if they had already lived these moments and they were being ripped out of her memory. She could finally relate to some extent to what Helena had done to the Lucky and the car accident had done to Jason.  
  
She had lost a part of herself and sometimes it would hit her in brief flashes and other times it would hit her head on out of the blue. She would wake up at night and cry for hours at this realization. Other times she would find herself calling out the name she had picked for her daughter, Ariel.  
  
It was a foolish childhood love of a Disney movie that had fueled her passion to name her daughter Ariel. It was the only movie that she had ever been taken to by her parents.  
  
She felt a single tear fall down her cheek and she brushed it away. Before she could manage another tear, the bell above the door jingled and she resumed her nonchalance.  
  
* * * Courtney had laid down after her one-sided conversation with her child. It had taken her a while to fall asleep and when she had her dreams were filled with nightmares of what was happening to Carly and her unborn child. But the focus of the dreams gradually changed into nightmares about her own child.  
  
She woke up in the middle of the night in the midst of one of her dreams, terrified, and then looked down at her stomach as if to reassure herself that everything was normal. But the truth to the matter was, it was not normal. Her lower abdomen ached and she got up to get a bottle of Tylenol out of the bathroom cabinet.  
  
When she turned on the light, and faced herself in the mirror, she realized what had happened. Blood was everywhere. She had lost her baby.  
  
She stripped out of her clothes and jumped in the shower, too alarmed to do anything else. She cried, her sobs like the cry of a baby animal separated from its mother. When she felt completely cleansed, she turned off the shower and stood naked in the bathroom.  
  
She threw her clothing in the garbage, collected the stained sheets, and threw on her robe. She wanted to leave no evidence of any of it. She put the garbage bag in a large metal can and struck a match. It lit quickly; with the help of some alcohol, and all the evidence that remained were black ashes. She threw them in the fireplace and put the can in the back of the cabinet under the sink.  
  
She applied fresh sheets to the bed and noticed that the comforter had not been stained in the slightest. She held herself in a tight ball and shook, crying and sobbing.  
  
She had been a mother for a day. 


	2. Good News, Bad News

Jason and Sonny came back empty-handed. There was no Carly to be found. Alcazar had removed her long before they had the chance to rescue her.  
  
The second they walked in she could read the news on their faces. She could tell that as much as Sonny was struggling, it looked like Jason was struggling more. She did not want to add to his sour mood. Perhaps tomorrow she would tell him, she told herself.  
  
She gave no indication about the previous night, lent Jason her shoulder, and held him. It made her feel better but the pain of knowing what she had lost was still there.  
  
Before they had arrived home she had made an appointment at Mercy Hospital. She knew that their baby was gone but wanted to run tests to make sure that the loss had not affected her system in an adverse way.  
  
"I think I'm going to take a walk." Was the excuse she offered.  
  
She kissed Jason, gave him a reassuring squeeze, and left.  
  
* * *  
  
Elizabeth had an appointment today with Dr. Meadows. It was just precautionary to see that the birth control drugs that Rick had slipped into her food had not caused any more side affects.  
  
She prayed that Rick had not taken everything away from her: Her chance to have children.  
  
Still in her suitcase, from the move back to her studio, was the teddy bear Rick had given her for their little one. It was something that she did not dare part with after the loss of her child. It was as if she gave up the bear that she was giving up her daughter, something she was not ready to do quite yet.  
  
She clutched the little bear in her hands, locked the door, and slipped it into her large purse. She wanted to keep it near her, hopeful it would bring her good luck.  
  
* * * Courtney was relived at the news that she had not lost her ability to have children. She had suffered a miscarriage but as far as the doctor was concerned, all systems were go.  
  
She wondered briefly if the loss had been a blessing in disguise. But the wound had not yet healed within her and she did not want to think of her child in that light.  
  
Within the elevator, as she rode down to the parking garage, she started to cry. She wanted so badly for Jason to be there, to let her lean on him, let him be her support. But she knew this could not be. She needed to be strong and support him. She put his well-being before her own and felt conceited for thinking such thoughts.  
  
She only hoped she could keep her mouth shut until the time was right.  
  
* * * "Everything is normal." Dr. Meadows told Elizabeth.  
  
She let out a hearty sigh of relief. "Thank God."  
  
"Yes it is a miracle, that you survived. I am sorry about your husband, Mrs. Lancing."  
  
"Ms. Webber." She corrected her.  
  
She smiled and left the room, content that Rick had not left any permanent physical problems in her life. Now she just had to learn how to deal with everything else he had done to her.  
  
But the image of her daughter was still fresh in her mind. Within the elevator, she got a crazy idea and immediately dismissed it. As she started the walk back to her studio through the park, and passed a mother and daughter, then the idea seemed to become more rational to her.  
  
She pulled the little bear out of her purse and looked at it. Her soul yearned for a child of her own.  
  
She pulled out her cell, dialed, and expressed with urgency to the person on the other end the need for a meeting.  
  
* * * Courtney had gone by the penthouse, ignored Jason, and escaped with her dog for a stroll in the park. She just wanted to get her mind off everything.  
  
But as she strolled past the playground she ran into none other than Elizabeth Webber, a woman whom shared more with her than she knew.  
  
"Courtney." Elizabeth greeted her, without their recent hostility.  
  
"Elizabeth." She offered, with more compassion than before.  
  
Both instantly felt that something had changed. Something about their situations.  
  
Elizabeth reached down and started to stroke the dog's hair.  
  
"She really is a beautiful dog." Elizabeth offered, attempting to be civil.  
  
"Thank you." Courtney offered, and then tried to plan her escape.  
  
She couldn't walk away, not before she talked with Elizabeth.  
  
"Well, I'll see ya around." Elizabeth started to walk off but Courtney stopped her.  
  
"Can we talk for a minute?"  
  
Elizabeth looked at her surprised, hesitated, but then sat on a nearby park bench. Courtney walked over and joined her and for a moment there was only awkward silence.  
  
"I was pregnant . . . yesterday."  
  
Elizabeth stiffened and looked at her seriously, "Was?" 


	3. Friends or Something Else?

"Yesterday I got a pregnancy test at Mercy Hospital and it confirmed what I already knew. Today I went back and they confirmed I had a miscarriage."  
  
"I'm sorry." Elizabeth offered whole-heartedly, knowing how difficult it was to loose a child.  
  
"How is Jason dealing with it?" Elizabeth asked, concerned for Jason.  
  
There was a long awkward silence before Elizabeth figured it out, "You didn't tell him."  
  
"He is so busy trying to find Carly that I thought I would wait until there was some better timing . . ." Courtney started.  
  
"And now you're afraid that if you tell him he will get hurt?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"I feel guilty for lying. Every time I see him I want to tell him. But it is so hard. Maybe I will not tell him."  
  
Elizabeth understood exactly where Courtney was coming from. She decided to give her two cents.  
  
"When I first found out I was pregnant, Rick and I were fighting. I did not want him to know that I was pregnant. I knew that even if I concealed it from him, I was going to show sooner or later, so I had to come up with some excuse. But somehow he found out and he came to me a changed man. The look in his eyes when he would talk about our future and our family made me see that he deserved to know. It was an accident but he was just as much responsible for this new life as I was. He deserved to know. I think every father has that right."  
  
"After everything he's done, you still believe that him knowing you were pregnant was good?"  
  
Elizabeth and Courtney both knew the lengths Rick had gone to after they had lost their baby.  
  
"People grieve differently. Some get upset and others get angry. I'm not defending him, saying that he did not go overboard, he did. But I understand why and that is why I cannot hate him."  
  
"So you think that I should tell him?"  
  
"The sooner the better. The longer you keep it the secret the longer you are going to feel so guilty. And the guilt is going to eat you up inside so much that you won't have a chance to grieve and you'll slowly go insane."  
  
"You sound like you speak from experience."  
  
"At first I was furious and angry and then I became spiteful and bitter. I did not like the person I was becoming so I kept it all inside, said nothing, and just let it bottle up inside of me. And once Carly was found I felt guilty for not seeing what was right in front of me, and I felt responsible. I won't think about my baby for days and then all the sudden I will wake up in the middle of the night and cry for hours at the injustice of loosing her and it is to the point where I cannot even control it. I just want back my life."  
  
Courtney was silent, in disbelief that she was having THIS conversation with Elizabeth.  
  
"It was a girl?" Courtney asked.  
  
Elizabeth put a hand on her stomach, "They never told me such, but I knew, the way a mother knows. I knew."  
  
She stared to tear up and she turned away from Courtney.  
  
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I don't think I ever told you that, and I truly am sorry."  
  
Elizabeth turned towards her as she wiped the tears off her own face.  
  
"I know that we fight, and we've had our differences, but I am glad that we had this conversation. It has helped more than you'll ever know. Just to have someone to talk to, it's comforting. I just surprised that it was you."  
  
Courtney smiled, "Thank you, too. I'm glad I ran into you."  
  
Courtney got up and started to walk away with Rosy.  
  
"Courtney?" Elizabeth called back.  
  
She turned.  
  
"We were friends once and I hope we can be again. If there is anything I can do, let me know." Elizabeth offered.  
  
"Thanks." She said again, and walked off deeper into the park.  
  
As Courtney walked off she passed Lucky Spencer, gave him a solemn hello, and went on her way.  
  
When Courtney got home, Jason was not there. She imagined he was somewhere with Sonny or Rick, trying desperately to save Carly. He had made a promise to Carly and she felt horrible for wishing he was there with her.  
  
She imagined telling Jason once Carly was home and knew that he would be hurt to learn that she had kept something so important from him. She took into consideration what Elizabeth had expressed to her but knew not what she would do.  
  
She needed someone she could confide in without reservation. Someone who could help her figure out what was best.  
  
It could not be her father. If Carly ever did return home she would instantly tell Jason the truth, with or without Courtney's permission. It could obviously not be Sonny; he had too much going on to worry about this. It could not be her mother because she did not trust her judgement.  
  
It was then she realized that outside of her immediate family she really had no one she could truly talk to. It was scary to think that she might have to face this all alone.  
  
She remembered Elizabeth's offer of friendship. Despite their differences, they had one thing very much in common. Both had suffered the same loss. If anyone could provide insight, and help her make a decision it would be Elizabeth. Not only did they share a tragedy in common, they shared Jason in common. Elizabeth had known Jason longer than she had known him. Perhaps she would be willing to help her decide if Jason should be told and if so, how to approach it.  
  
* * *  
  
"Liz, what's wrong? You sounded scared on the phone." Lucky asked, worried.  
  
"There is something that I need to ask you, and I'm not sure how I can." Elizabeth said, timidly.  
  
"What is it? You know that I would do anything for you."  
  
"God, this is so . . ." She started but the words refused to come.  
  
She sat down on the bench and he sat beside her.  
  
"Recently I've been in a bad place. It is like I watching myself doing these horrible things that I would never do and it sickens me but I cannot stop myself."  
  
"What is going on?" He asked, concerned.  
  
"Everything that has gone on with Rick and loosing the baby . . . It's just that I know you so well and right now you are the only person I know that I can trust without reservation."  
  
"What do you need, Liz? Anything."  
  
"I want to have a baby." She said simply, "And I want you to be the father." 


	4. Oops!

"You cannot be serious about this." Lucky offered, immediately.  
  
"I am. I've always wanted children, you know that. And not so long ago I wished everything that you would be the father. You are wonderful with kids and I know that you would always be there . . ." She started.  
  
"Elizabeth, I'm honored that you asked me, but we're not together. We haven't been for some time. I don't just want to be someone in my child's life that is there every other weekend."  
  
"You won't be. I want you to be a part of everything."  
  
"Elizabeth . . .it's just that I want a traditional family. Mother, father, 2.5 kids in the midst of suburbia. Who knows where we'll be five years from now, or ten years from now. I cannot make a commitment like this, not even to you."  
  
She turned away, unable to face him, and knowing that what he said was true.  
  
"I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry." She offered, still looking away.  
  
"Liz . . ." He said, waiting for her to turn, she didn't.  
  
He continued anyway, "Some day you are going to be a wonderful mother. You'll find someone that makes you happy and you'll have that life you deserve so much. Just because everything did not work out this time does not mean that it won't in the future. You are upset and not thinking rationally. Take a step back, consider what you just asked me."  
  
She turned toward him.  
  
"The Elizabeth I knew would never give up on her dreams so easily. I know it hurts, Elizabeth, but everything that hurts makes you stronger. You know that more than anyone."  
  
"Thank you, I really needed that today." She offered  
  
* * * ". . .The way Jason is with Michael and their history, I could never do that to him. I could never tell him what we have lost. He hurts enough and I need to be strong for him. We will make it through this. He never has to know. As much as I wish I could tell him, it will hurt him more in the long run . . "  
  
Courtney looked down at her words on the page, believing with everything inside of her that she had made the right decision. She had considered asking Elizabeth but knew from before what her answer would be. She knew that the decision was her own, and she had made it.  
  
She would not tell Jason.  
  
She closed her journal just as Jason walked in. He sat down and let out a ragged sigh.  
  
"She wasn't there. Alcazar moved her again." He offered.  
  
"I'm sorry,' She offered, moving next to him and allowing him to hold on to her.  
  
"Sonny believes that Rick is the key, that he will have the information that Alcazar won't expect. But all Rick has done is lie, why would he change now?"  
  
"Maybe he wants to make up for what he put Carly through."  
  
"Sonny believes it, I don't. He claims what he did to Carly was revenge to what he believed that Sonny did to Elizabeth. He says that now he has come to his senses and realized that Sonny would not hurt Elizabeth and feels the only way he can rectify his sins is to help. But he won't even take the blame for what he has done, he just keeps repeating that he did it all for Elizabeth . . . and the baby they lost."  
  
Courtney let out a breath she did not know that she was holding.  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
Courtney did not want to admit to anything and did not want to drop any hints that she had been pregnant. But at the mention of Elizabeth's loss, she had reacted and was now afraid that somehow Jason would find out.  
  
"No, nothing. I'm fine." She paused, feeling guilty for lying, "I just imagined how Elizabeth must be feeling."  
  
There was a moment of silence and then Jason spoke.  
  
"She's strong, stronger than she lets on. But I'd imagine even she really needed someone after her loss. Maybe that was why she turned back to Rick, because it was too painful to live through alone."  
  
Courtney could finally understand why Elizabeth had gone back with Rick after she lost the baby. She wanted so badly to tell Jason and let herself lean on him, like Elizabeth had been able to with Rick, but she reminded herself that Jason needed her so that he may rescue Carly. She remained mum.  
  
Jason noticed.  
  
"What is it? What aren't you telling me?" He asked.  
  
"I ran into Elizabeth in the park." She offered, "She told me that when she found out she was pregnant it was when she was fighting with Rick. She hadn't wanted to tell him but the moment he learned of her pregnancy she thought he had changed."  
  
"Rick is the same as he was before. She was just more willing to believe his lies."  
  
Courtney was quiet. Jason did not notice that anything was different and they sat together, holding eachother, each for a different reason.  
  
Sonny rushed in, "Jason, Alcazar's yatch just docked at Pier 52. If Carly is there, we need to go, now."  
  
Jason got up and left, looking back only briefly and for a second he saw the pain that Courtney was trying desperately to conceal. If it had not been for Carly's containment, he would have stopped and asked her why.  
  
The moment the door shut and she heard their footsteps disappear, Courtney started to cry. During her sobs, Michael came down the stairs.  
  
"Aunt Courtney, what's wrong?" He asked, worried.  
  
She wiped her tears away, "I was just thinking about someone I use to know."  
  
* * *  
  
Lucky was long gone, but she had stayed. She had no real place to go and was in no hurry to get back to her studio.  
  
Her studio was her home at the moment, having packed up and left her home with Rick as soon as she could. She did not want to walk in that home everyday because every moment spent within those walls had been a lie, and she wanted no part of it.  
  
The studio had always been a safe place. It was where she would run to when times with Lucky got overbearing or when she needed a moment of solitude in her hectic life. But now all she knew was loneliness and the studio was no longer an escape.  
  
The studio still reminded her of Jason and she imagined the life they could have led if Courtney and Rick had never come to town. Or if Courtney was still with A.J. and Rick had never learned of his brother Sonny. Perhaps they would be happy now. Perhaps they would have a family of their own.  
  
But it was not meant to be, she told herself. And despite encouraging words from Lucky, she felt like she was on the verge of falling into a deep black pit of solitude.  
  
She pulled out the little bear from her purse, her one connection to that imaginary family she had almost had with Rick, and held it close to her heart. Some tears fell and she did not wipe them away.  
  
"Why?" She asked, looking up towards the sky, briefly believing that someone might hear her.  
  
With no answer, she shoved the bear back in her purse and wiped the tears off her cheeks. She knew that the only way she could get past this was to not dwell in the past, with what IF questions, but concentrate on her future.  
  
Elizabeth's cell phone purred and she pulled it out of her purse.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Liz, it's Courtney."  
  
Elizabeth could tell that something had happened because Courtney's voice sounded weak.  
  
"I'll be at Kelly's, why don't you come by?" Elizabeth offered.  
  
"I'll leave now."  
  
* * * When they met eachother, it was awkward to say the least, but comforting. They sat outside, across from eachother, completely silent. Just looking across the table and seeing someone there that had gone through something similar was a great comfort to them both. Although neither would ever admit it.  
  
"I decided not to tell Jason, but when he came home briefly tonight, I wanted so much to tell him."  
  
"You want to because you know that it is the right thing to do."  
  
"But what will it accomplish? The baby is gone. Nothing good can come from it."  
  
"It is human nature to want to reach out your hand and have someone there to hold on to. It's just the same with grief; you want someone whom can relate to what you are going through. You want Jason to be that someone, and that's not wrong."  
  
"He'll never understand." Courtney offered, tearfully.  
  
"He can understand loss, better than most, but he won't understand lying about something this important. The longer you wait to tell him . . ."  
  
Courtney completed her thought, "The more betrayed he will feel."  
  
"Don't wait, Courtney. Tell him. If you don't, and he finds out some other way, he will not accept anything you have to say."  
  
* * *  
  
Courtney came back to Sonny's empty penthouse. She talked to Leticia briefly about nonsense and offered to stay with Michael in her place. With the other woman gone, she crept up the stairs and into Michael's room. She watched him sleep and imagined for a brief moment that he was her son with Jason and that they were leading a blissfully happy life together.  
  
She left the room, so not to let herself be carried away in her dreams of a family. On her way back to the stairs she passed the nursery that Carly had started for her little one.  
  
Courtney put a hand on her stomach, "I feel you here, little one, inside me still. When I close my eyes I imagine your bright blue eyes and pray that in heaven you know that my heart is with you. And I hope you know that your father loves you."  
  
She did not cry she just stood motionless, longing for someone to come and wrap comforting arms around her. Strong arms that would help her through this time.  
  
She heard the door open downstairs.  
  
* * * Elizabeth locked the door and wandered blindly through her studio that was completely dark. She had chosen not to turn on the light. She found her way easily to the couch, removed her jacket, and laid down on its lumpy but inviting surface.  
  
She closed her eyes and dreamed of her many loves: Lucky, Jason, and finally Rick. Most were happy memories, all bleeding into eachother. The faces would change and she would take no notice, just smile thankfully that she had them. But just as suddenly as the memories would fade into eachother, harsh memories came to her: The day Lucky had perished in the fire, the day she saw him with Sarah, Jason constantly pushing her away, the moment she realized what horrible things Rick had done, and finally the most horrible memory of them all, the loss of her daughter.  
  
She jumped up in her sleep, it was morning. She looked around the room and found her purse, dug deep within in and pulled the bear out. Now that she was up, she knew she would not be able to get back to sleep, and decided to head to Kelly's for a cup of coffee.  
  
She left, taking the bear with her.  
  
* * * "Courtney?" Jason called into the penthouse.  
  
"Jason." She whispered, and climbed down the stairs.  
  
She ran into his inviting arms and he held her unsure.  
  
"What happened?" He asked, startled by her mood.  
  
She caught herself just about to let the words slip out but they didn't.  
  
"I was just so worried about you." She offered.  
  
He bought it.  
  
"We got Carly back." He offered.  
  
"Is she okay?" Courtney asked, knowing he would not give her the details if she asked how.  
  
"She seemed alright. Sonny is with her at the hospital just to make sure."  
  
"Thank God." She said, breathless.  
  
It was then she realized that there was no longer an excuse for her not to tell him. Carly was home safe and Jason no longer had the burden of Carly's disappearance on his shoulders.  
  
Just a minute ago she had caught herself telling him. Was that because she knew it was the right thing to do? Or was it out of the guilt of concealing something this monumental from him?  
  
"Jason, there is something-" She started but was interrupted by his phone ringing.  
  
"Morgan."  
  
Courtney let out a sigh and sat down on the couch.  
  
"Okay, Sonny, I'll do it right away."  
  
He hung up and before he had the words out of his mouth she said them for him, "You have to go."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Are you okay here tonight?" He asked, concerned.  
  
"I'm fine." She said, feigning indifference.  
  
"If you need me, call." He offered.  
  
He walked out again and just as before her tears began.  
  
* * * When she made it there the diner was closed. She pulled out her key, opened the door, and went to the counter and started the coffee maker. She knew that Bobbie would not mind.  
  
The act of making the coffee was so familiar that she could have done it with her eyes closed. But she concentrated on it so her mind could not wonder to other thoughts and her eyes could not wander to her purse where the bear was stashed.  
  
She pulled down a single chair at a table and returned to the counter for her coffee. She then went to the jukebox and made a random selection, after first making sure the volume was low so not to wake the few tenets with lodgings upstairs, Lucky being one of them.  
  
She wasn't ready to face him again after their conversation in the park. Instead she tried to focus on the music and tune out everything else.  
  
*"Darling, give me your absence tonight  
  
Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white  
  
Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside  
  
And don't bother leaving the light on"*  
  
She went back to the counter and pulled out the bear from her purse. The bear was so tiny and cute and she equally wanted to hold it as she wanted to throw it away from her.  
  
*"Cuz I suddenly feel like a different person  
  
From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion  
  
And I ran my hand o'er a stranger inversion  
  
A vacancy that just did not belong  
  
The child is gone"*  
  
She threw the bear across the diner as if repulsed by the sight of it and it landed behind the jukebox.  
  
*"Honey help me out of this mess  
  
I'm a stranger to myself  
  
But don't reach for me, I'm too far away  
  
I don't wanna talk 'cuz there's nothing left to say"*  
  
* * * Jason had done what he was told. He had gone by the brownstone and told Bobbie that her daughter was safe and healthy. Bobbie had insisted that he come with her to the hospital to visit Carly and so he did.  
  
In the early morning hours he was walking back to the penthouse when he saw the light on in the diner. He decided to take a look to see if they were open early and he could possibly get something to take home for Carly to celebrate her homecoming as well as something for Courtney whom had seemed down as of late.  
  
He looked in the diner and saw no one at first. He was confused to why the lights would be on this early in the morning. He looked inside and saw no one in sight. He pulled slightly on the door and it was locked, the "CLOSED" sign was still in the window. He was about to turn around when he saw her.  
  
She was trying to move the jukebox, for whatever purpose he did not know. But whatever the reason, it was upsetting her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and he could not help but feel something for her.  
  
He knocked on the door and startled her. She looked at him as though he was the last person on Earth that she wanted to see. She wiped the tears off her cheeks, took a few calming breaths, and unlocked the door.  
  
She opened the door slightly.  
  
*"Darling, give me your absence tonight  
  
Take all of your sympathy and leave it outside  
  
'Cuz there's no kind of loving that can make this all right  
  
I'm trying to find a place I belong"*  
  
Before she could say anything to drive him away he said, "Need some help?"  
  
She considered it briefly and then opened the door to let him in. She quickly closed it and he reminded her softly to lock it. Despite everything, he still worried.  
  
"Why are you trying to move this?"  
  
"I lost something behind it." She said, her eyes still wet from crying.  
  
*"And I suddenly feel like a different person  
  
From the roots of my soul come a gentile coercion"*  
  
He moved the jukebox easily and saw what lay behind it, a small white bear. He instantly knew the significance of the item and said nothing. He handed it to her and she held onto it as if for dear life.  
  
"Thank you." She said, trying not to sound too gracious.  
  
He moved the jukebox back in place and plugged it back in. For a moment there was an awkward silence and he felt as though he should go. He started towards the door when he stopped dead in his tracks. The song that had been playing kicked back on in the spot it had just left off.  
  
*"And I ran my hand o'er a stranger inversion  
  
As the darkness turns into the dawn"*  
  
"We got Carly back." He offered.  
  
"When?" Elizabeth asked, still holding onto the bear.  
  
"Late last night."  
  
"Is she alright?" Elizabeth asked, compassionately.  
  
"Sonny took her to GH just to make sure, but she is okay."  
  
"Is the baby okay?" Elizabeth asked, with a far away looking of longing in her eyes.  
  
"As far as I know."  
  
Jason turned once again to leave but this time Elizabeth stopped him.  
  
"Jas-" She started and he turned, noticing she still had the bear tight within her grasp.  
  
"I just wanted you to know-that I had no idea about what was happening." She offered, and he knew immediately to what she was referring.  
  
She continued, "You know that Carly is not my favorite person but I would never-"  
  
He interrupted, "I know you wouldn't."  
  
"Just the idea of what Rick was planning to do-" She paused, getting caught up in her emotions, "I wish I could have-"  
  
*"The child is gone  
  
The child is gone"*  
  
(Fiona Apple/The Child is Gone/Tidal)  
  
She started to tear up and he did not hesitate to reach out to her and hold her. At first it was awkward, but only for a moment, and then they were comfortable with each other as if it had always been that way; As though they were two pieces to a puzzle that fit just right.  
  
"I never told you that I was sorry . . ." He whispered to her, "about your loss."  
  
She pulled away from him and walked towards the counter letting her back face him.  
  
"Everybody is sorry. All everyone ever says is sorry and that they can understand how I feel. But they don't . . ." She turned, "They don't understand. . ."  
  
She unknowingly poured a second cup of coffee, black, just as Jason liked it, and set it down at the table. He pulled the other chair down and sat. She sat at her chair and for a moment they both were silent.  
  
"In my dreams I have lived this life with her. I pick out her clothes for her first day of school and comment to myself how fast she is growing until she is suddenly this young woman asking what to wear on her fist date. And for that split second when I wake up it is although it is all true until it hits me-that it has all been a dream and I'll never have those moments with her."  
  
She looked up into his eyes at that moment and could read him like she had so many times before. She could see that he understood without him having to explain.  
  
* * *  
  
He had told her to call but she wasn't sure if she could do it. She knew that she could not tell him on the phone but the thought of the look he might give her face-to-face as she told him frightened her.  
  
She went towards the phone and picked it up out of its cradle. She knew that despite the fact that Carly was back there was still business to be done. That was why he had left. Was it too important to be interrupted by a call from her?  
  
But before she could carefully consider it, she dialed his number. Realizing what she had done, she hung up the phone before the first ring.  
  
As soon as he came home she would tell him. Out of nervousness she starts pacing.  
  
* * *  
  
She was right, he understood what she was trying to express, but she misinterpreted why.  
  
"So how are you doing?" She asked, concerned.  
  
He looked at her quizzically.  
  
"I know. Courtney told me. I know how much you wanted children, this must be difficult for you."  
  
"Courtney told you what?" He asked.  
  
She was convinced that Courtney had not told him that for a moment they had leaned on each other for support. Maybe Courtney had not wanted him to know that someone had known about the loss before he had.  
  
"We ran into each other in the park, she hadn't meant to talk to me but I guess she was just in so much pain that anyone with an ear nearby was what she needed."  
  
He looked at her confused as she continued.  
  
"I know that you must be hurting too, but she needs you more than you know. It is an extremely difficult time and I know when I . . ."  
  
Her voice trailed off as he realized what had happened to Courtney while at the same moment she realized that he had been clueless up until this point.  
  
Their eyes met and Elizabeth was almost afraid to breathe. The look in his eyes reminded her of the look within them when she had found him in the snow at the brink of life and death. He looked as though he might give up that day and the same look was in his eyes now.  
  
"Jason-" was all she could mutter at first, "I thought you knew."  
  
He stormed off, leaving his half-empty coffee mug and an empty seat. She stared into her own cup of coffee and feared what she might have started.  
  
* * * The moment he entered she could tell that something had changed. His demeanor was different and his eyes were cold.  
  
"Has something happened with Carly?" She asked, concerned.  
  
"No, Carly is fine." He answered, simply.  
  
He did not want to have to confront her. He wanted it to be her decision to tell him but the fact was eating him up inside. Despite his own hesitation to bring up the topic, he thought he would get the conversation started.  
  
"Dr. Meadows is sure that the baby is fine. There should be no complications."  
  
"Carly and Sonny must have been very happy to hear that."  
  
He was silent. She decided it was now or never.  
  
"Jason . . ." Her voice trailed off.  
  
Their eyes met. She chickened out. He read this in her eyes and got angry. Sure, he kept the truth from her, but not on anything that mattered. Only his business was closed off to her, everything else was an open book. Why could she not be the same way with him.  
  
"I need to run an errand." He offered, and left before Courtney could squeeze in a word.  
  
* * * 


	5. Fight

Jason rode his bike until late morning in an attempt to stop himself from doing anything rash. When he figured that it had been long enough, he started heading back to the penthouse. When he opened the door, Courtney was curled up on the couch asleep.  
  
His first instinct was to get the extra blanket and cover her but he ignored that impulse. He walked up the stairs to the master bedroom and shut the door.  
  
Courtney heard the shutting door and it startled her. She decided it was better to give him time. She didn't know exactly what had happened between them the night before, but she did not want to push when he obviously wasn't ready.  
  
She went in the kitchen and started making a late breakfast. He did not come down. She ate alone at the table, crying silently the entire time.  
  
* * *  
  
"Elizabeth?" Bobbie called gently.  
  
She did not wake up.  
  
"Elizabeth?" Bobbie called again, a little louder.  
  
She still did not wake up.  
  
Bobbie went over and shook her a bit and she was quickly alert.  
  
"What time did you come in, you look exhausted?" Bobbie asked.  
  
Suddenly everything came back to her and she offered, "Early."  
  
Elizabeth looked around the kitchen, wondering what had provoked her to sleep here. It was then her eyes fell upon the small bear. Just as she noticed it, Bobbie did.  
  
"Oh, Elizabeth." She offered, handing her the bear. "Go home."  
  
"I can work, I'm fine." She offered, only half believing it.  
  
Bobbie insisted, "Go home."  
  
Lucky came down the stairs for his morning cup of coffee just as Elizabeth emerged from the back.  
  
"What happened?" He asked, concerned.  
  
"Nothing." She mumbled on her way to the door.  
  
He followed her, "Is this about last night?"  
  
She turned towards him and suddenly remembered the question she had asked him, "No. I'm sorry I even got you evolved."  
  
She continued out but he followed her making sure that she got home safely. He tried not to make his presence known, but she knew.  
  
"You don't have to follow me." She offered, after she had gotten tired of it.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked.  
  
"I made a big mistake and I have to make sure I didn't ruin something that wasn't mine to be messing with."  
  
"What are you talking about?" He asked, then he noticed where she had stopped, Harborview Towers.  
  
"Does this have something to do with Jason?" His jealously taking over, per usual.  
  
"Lucky, no. Just go, this doesn't concern you. It is my fault, so just go."  
  
When she reached the penthouse level she stopped in front of Jason's door. It had been a while since she had been there and an odd feeling rushed over her. She ignored it and knocked.  
  
Courtney answered, looking stunned, but she had expected it.  
  
"Elizabeth? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Let's talk in the hallway." She suggested.  
  
Courtney followed her out and shut the door.  
  
"What's wrong?" Courtney asked, concerned that Elizabeth had stopped by the penthouse.  
  
"He knows." She offered, simply.  
  
"How?" Courtney asked, shocked.  
  
"It slipped out . . . I'm really sorry."  
  
"Oh my God!" Courtney mumbled under her breath, "How could you do this to me?"  
  
"It was an accident, I thought you had told him . . ."  
  
"No wonder he hasn't come downstairs." She said to herself.  
  
"You mean, he didn't rush home and talk to you about it? He left pretty quickly after he realized . . ."  
  
"When did you see him?" Courtney asked, curious and upset.  
  
"This morning, after he was done at the hospital. I was at Kelly's and . . ." Elizabeth paused, remembering the night vividly.  
  
"And what?" Courtney asked.  
  
"I got something caught behind the juke box and he helped me move it. He had a cup of coffee, it slipped out, and he left." Elizabeth offered, nonchalant.  
  
"I should have known . . ." Courtney mumbled under her breath.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I should have known that I could not trust you." She said, aggressively.  
  
Elizabeth took a step back, "It was an accident!"  
  
"I doubt it." Courtney offered as she opened the door, "Stay away from Jason."  
  
The door was slammed in her face before Elizabeth could respond. She knew that Courtney would be mad but she had not expected this. She had not intentionally told Jason, it had been an honest mistake. And just as she and Courtney had started to become friends again . . .  
  
She sighed realizing that there wasn't much she could do about it. If she tried to explain herself to Courtney it was more likely that Courtney would get upset than actually take her for her word.  
  
She pressed the button of the elevator and waited. She heard the door open but did not turn to register who it was. She thought it better not to look.  
  
"Elizabeth?" Sonny asked, startled.  
  
She turned.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He asked, curious.  
  
"I had to talk to Courtney."  
  
Sonny was shocked, knowing that the two women were not on the best of terms.  
  
"I heard from Jason that Carly is back, I'm glad." She offered.  
  
"Yeah . . ." He said, half-smiling.  
  
"I'm sorry that I didn't realize what was going on . . ." She started, but stopped before she finished her thought.  
  
"I know you would have done the right thing if you had known. I'm just glad that your no longer with Rick, he is dangerous."  
  
"I know that now." She said as the elevator opened.  
  
She stepped in. As the elevator door was about to close, Sonny stopped it.  
  
"If Rick tries anything, just call." He offered, sincerely.  
  
His offered surprised Elizabeth, "Thank you."  
  
He allowed the doors to close.  
  
* * * "Was that Sonny?" Jason asked, coming down the stairs, as Courtney closed the door.  
  
"No." She said, solemnly.  
  
Jason said nothing.  
  
She broke the silence, "Why didn't you yell at me? Or at least tell me that you knew?"  
  
He said nothing, unsure what to say.  
  
"You have to be feeling something. Why don't you tell me? I know that I should have told you but it was so hard to find the words and with everything going on with Carly . . ." She started, but she began to tear up.  
  
He resisted his urge to comfort her and stood his ground, "You should have been the one to tell me."  
  
"I know." She said, in-between her sobs, "I'm sorry."  
  
He let out a sigh and there was silence through the entire penthouse.  
  
"Dr. Meadows said that there shouldn't be any problem conceiving again." She offered, to break the silence.  
  
"You've gone to see the doctor, without me?" He asked.  
  
"I just had to make sure . . ."  
  
"I should have been there." He offered, sounding unattached.  
  
"I know . . ." She struggled out.  
  
He could not believe that the doctor and Elizabeth had known before he had. It was his child, didn't he deserve the right to know?  
  
* * *  
  
Lucky had waited outside, despite Elizabeth telling him to go. He was worried about her. He was just about to head up to the penthouse level himself when she emerged from the building. He noticed her tears first and wanted to go over and help her through it, but knew it was not his place. And if she had known that he had followed her all that way she might be upset and just push him away.  
  
She walked back through the park, her tears ceasing along the way. He followed behind making sure that he was not seen. He knew that she would not want him to see her vulnerable but he could not dare leave her knowing that something was hurting her.  
  
It was then he noticed the man walking towards her. She stopped dead in her tracks and watched as the man approached. Lucky saw her look in the other direction as if contemplating whether or not to make a run for it, but she stood her ground.  
  
"Elizabeth." The man said.  
  
"What do you want?" She asked, obviously disconcerted.  
  
"I just want to see how you are doing." He offered.  
  
"I was fine until I saw you."  
  
"But you didn't run, you stayed. It is because you still care about me."  
  
"No, I don't. It is because I realized a long time ago that I have to face my demons head on, not run away from them."  
  
"You're so strong, Elizabeth. That is one of the things I admire about you."  
  
"Say what you have to say and leave me alone." She demanded.  
  
"I still love you and I realize that there is a long road ahead of us and you'll need some time but I think that we can make this work."  
  
"You never loved me. You used me as an excuse to kidnap a pregnant woman. There is no road ahead of us, and no amount of time is going to change how much I hate you."  
  
"That's not true, Elizabeth." He said, moving closer, within arms length of her.  
  
"I know you love me." He said, taking his hand and moving a stray piece of hair away from her face.  
  
"Get the HELL away from me! I don't want anything to do with you. I don't LOVE you. I don't even LIKE you."  
  
"Elizabeth . . .that's not true . . ." He said, taking hold of her arm.  
  
She struggled out of his grasp, "Don't you ever touch me, you don't have the right."  
  
"There is nothing to be afraid of, Elizabeth. I would never hurt you, you know that." He said, taking hold of her hand.  
  
She struggled to get free but he held on tighter.  
  
Lucky emerged from behind Elizabeth and grabbed Elizabeth's hand out of his grasp.  
  
"You heard her, don't YOU EVER TOUCH HER." Lucky yelled, his past experiences with Elizabeth getting the better of him.  
  
"This doesn't concern you, this is between me and my wife." Rick offered.  
  
"I'm not your wife." Elizabeth, whom had been standing idly by, offered.  
  
Rick looked at her as though the truth had finally hit him.  
  
"You're still wearing my ring." He stated.  
  
"Get the hell out of here." Lucky said, shoving him in the other direction.  
  
Elizabeth threw the ring at Rick. It hit him and fell to the ground. He leaned over and picked it up.  
  
"You're still my wife." He stated, "And were not finished yet."  
  
Rick turned and wandered off.  
  
Lucky turned to Elizabeth concerned, "Are you alright?"  
  
She ignored his question, "Did you follow me to Harborview Towers?"  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"I don't need to be saved, Lucky. You've already proven once that you are the hero and I'm the damsel in distress, just leave me alone. But I was just a kid then, I've grown up. I don't need you protecting me. I can take care of myself."  
  
"You're hurting." He offered, as if it was an excuse.  
  
"And it has nothing to do with you." She said, and wandered off, leaving Lucky to contemplate her words. 


	6. Daydream Believer

Elizabeth went back to her studio and threw her purse down on the couch. The small bear fell out but she took no notice. She walked towards the phone and stopped in her tracks one step away.  
  
She wanted to pick up the phone. She wanted to be able to get rid of one problem in her life that easily. All she had to do was dial and tell the man on the other end to solve her biggest problem at the moment. But she feared her conscience would not allow her to let him go through with it.  
  
She gave up, for the moment, and slipped out of her shoes and went to lay down on the couch. That was when she saw the bear and paused in mid- stride. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to get lost in her own false dreams.  
  
She saw herself holding her daughter in her arms. The little girl smiled at her and she smiled back, both without a care in the world.  
  
But she was drawn out of her dream by a sound in the alley behind her studio. She looked out the window and saw a stray cat picking amongst the litter in the alley. It was then she felt the empty space in her heart.  
  
She opened up her refrigerator and took out the bottle her parents had sent in the mail when they had heard news of her marriage. Of course she knew that they had done it not because she was their daughter and they were happy, they did it out of guilt. She had chosen at the time to not open it, in spite of them, but she was depressed and no longer cared about her vendetta.  
  
She brought it with her to the couch and took a long sip before settling down into a fetal position on the couch.  
  
She could feel that the tears were on their way but she used all her energy to stop them. She refused to cry. She might be depressed, but she still had her pride, something she wasn't ready to give up just yet.  
  
* * * Their fight was interrupted by a knock on the door.  
  
Jason went and opened it for Sonny.  
  
"Am I interrupting something?" He asked, concerned by the expression on both their faces.  
  
"No." Jason said, simply.  
  
Sonny looked at Courtney to confirm it and saw a blank expression.  
  
"Can I talk to you in the hall, Jase?" He asked.  
  
It was not a question, really, more of a command. Jason followed suit, of course, and left Courtney staring at the closed door.  
  
"I told Elizabeth if she had any trouble with Rick . . ."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"I sent Marco to look after her and Rick was bothering her in the park."  
  
"Is she okay?" He asked, concerned.  
  
"Yeah. Lucky was there and got Lansing to back off."  
  
"So, you need me to do something?" Jason asked, wondering about the point of the conversation. He had never known Sonny to tell him unnecessary information.  
  
"I'm thinking of getting rid of Rick, soon."  
  
"You want me to take care of it?" He asked, eager to do the job considering what Rick had done to Carly and Elizabeth.  
  
"No. You're too close to it. I'll get someone on it. Until then I need you watch out for Elizabeth."  
  
"You really think he'd hurt her? He claims to love her."  
  
"You've seen what Rick can do, he's capable of anything. I want you on her first thing in the morning. Marco will watch her today."  
  
"If you think it's necessary."  
  
"She does not deserve to hurt anymore because of him, she's been through enough."  
  
"Okay." Jason answered, but Sonny was sure that Jason would do it long before he said it.  
  
Jason turned to open the door and Sonny started walking towards his own door. Sonny stopped in mid-stride and turned.  
  
"Jason?" He called.  
  
Jason turned.  
  
"I don't want her to know she's being watched unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't want her to get startled."  
  
Jason nodded and opened the door.  
  
* * * Elizabeth woke up some time during the night. She could tell it was not too late because she saw many lights lit up within the nearby buildings. Her vision was slightly hazy, she ignored it, and stumbled through her studio.  
  
She grabbed her purse and her fleece and left the studio door wide open. She had no idea where she was going or why but she just knew that she could not stay in her studio. She went to the park and sat down on a bench.  
  
She was numb, it was cold and the alcohol in her system did not help. She liked feeling numb, she felt safer that way.  
  
She closed her eyes and saw herself pushing a little girl on the swing in the park. The little girl had large bright blue eyes and had a mass of chocolate curls. The girl wore a white dress that was impeccable and a red bow in her hair to match her small red shoes.  
  
"Momma, push me higher." The girl asked.  
  
Elizabeth followed suit and gave the little girl a hearty push.  
  
After they were done with the swings they went for ice cream and sat down on one of the park benches together.  
  
A noise startled Elizabeth and she opened her eyes, the sunny day she had imagined was gone. It was very early morning but the sun had yet to rise from it's slumber. She looked next to her on the bench and saw the little girl.  
  
"It's dark, momma, I'm scared." The little girl whimpered.  
  
Elizabeth pulled her close and whispered, "There is nothing to be scared about. I'm here."  
  
Marco watched Elizabeth on the bench talking to herself. He thought nothing of it, assuming it was a reaction to the entire bottle of wine she had earlier.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
When Jason came back inside, Courtney was waiting.  
  
"Is there something wrong with Carly or the baby?" Courtney asked, concerned.  
  
"No." Jason answered simply.  
  
She moved closer to him, "I'm sorry, Jason. You don't know how hard it has been, how much pain I've been in just knowing . . ."  
  
She started to break down and Jason pulled her into his arms. He was stolid and held her because it was expected of him to hold her, to console her, it was not out of compassion. She did not notice any difference and cried on his shoulder.  
  
When she had no more tears she pulled away and searched for compassion in his eyes and found none. She saw the blank stare he gave everyone.  
  
"Jason . . ." She started to say.  
  
"I need some time." He offered simply and she needed no further explanation.  
  
He kissed her on the forehead and left. 


	7. Aftermath

Courtney had been sitting on the couch for a while, unsure of what to do with herself. Her trance was interrupted by a knock on the door and she jumped out of her seat.  
  
Please be Jason.  
  
She opened the door; to her disappointment it was Carly. Of course she had been worried and had wanted to see Carly, but her thoughts had been elsewhere since Jason had left.  
  
Courtney surrounded Carly in a hug.  
  
"What's wrong?" Carly asked, not oblivious.  
  
"You'll need to sit down." Courtney offered and led her to the couch.  
  
Carly had noticed the missing Jason and finally took a guess, "Did you and Jason have a fight?"  
  
"While you were missing it was all he could do from going crazy. He was worried and I did not want to burden him with more news."  
  
Carly was not following, "Courtney, tell me. You are sound like somebody died, the tone is driving me nuts!"  
  
Courtney almost broke down but remained composed, "I was pregnant and I thought I could wait to tell him until you were . . . "  
  
Carly interrupted, "WAS pregnant?"  
  
The look in Courtney's eyes said everything and she took the younger woman in her arms. Carly knew all too well what it was like to loose a child. She knew how much the younger woman must be hurting. But then why was Jason not there to comfort her?  
  
Carly pulled away, "Where's Jason?"  
  
"I kept it from him . . ."  
  
"Oh Courtney . . ." Carly started, knowing Jason well enough to know how he must have reacted.  
  
"I thought that if I waited to tell him until you were home safely that it wouldn't hurt as much. But he found out by mistake . . ."  
  
"He'll come around . . ." Carly offered, "I'll talk to him."  
  
Finally Courtney broke down and Carly took her in her arms and held her. She only hoped that Jason did not do something stupid in his absence. ~*~*~*~  
  
Just as Jason was going to meet Marco his cell phone rang.  
  
"Morgan."  
  
"Jase, where are you?"  
  
"Carly? Is something wrong?"  
  
"I'm fine. It's Courtney. She needs you."  
  
"I can't talk right now." He said, trying to avoid the issue.  
  
"Meet me somewhere, Jase."  
  
"You shouldn't be out, Carly. I heard Dr. Meadows say it."  
  
"Then come by the penthouse."  
  
"I have some business to take care of for Sonny."  
  
"How long will it take?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
"When you are done, come over."  
  
It wasn't a suggestion; it was an order, one that she knew he would obey. He turned off his phone and saw Marco approaching.  
  
"Rick been around?" Jason asked.  
  
"No, not recently. She's been alone."  
  
"Does she know she's being watched?"  
  
"No."  
  
Jason and Marco stood outside the building that housed Elizabeth's studio. Marco turned to leave but stopped and turned back to Jason.  
  
Their eyes met and Marco offered, "Something isn't right with her."  
  
"What do you mean?" Jason asked.  
  
"Last night I watched her down a whole bottle of wine."  
  
Jason was worried, that did not sound like Elizabeth. But if she knew that she had been watched then she might get angry so he knew he could not approach her to ask what was wrong.  
  
Marco left and Jason went into the building across the street and opened the door to the room with windows parallel to Elizabeth's studio. He could barely see inside her studio because it only had the small window. He considered finding a closer place to watch her from.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Jason is on business for Sonny. He is going to come by when he's thru and we'll have our chat. Trust me, I'll talk sense into him."  
  
Courtney let out a sigh, "I never should have confided in Elizabeth."  
  
"What?" Carly asked, startled.  
  
"I ran into her in the park. I was just being friendly with her and then I remembered how she had a miscarriage. I needed to talk to someone, I just never expected she would stab me in the back."  
  
"Of course she would, she wants Jason. Especially after realizing what Rick has been up to. You should have thought it through."  
  
Courtney almost laughed, like Carly had any right to tell her to think something thru. Carly never thought anything through in her life, she acted on instinct.  
  
"I thought I knew her better then that. I was her friend before I even met Jason, or you even. I just thought that maybe we could have that again."  
  
Carly put an arm around Courtney, "You weren't thinking straight because you just lost the baby. Momentary lapse in judgment, that's all. And now you know that she will use anything against you."  
  
Courtney considered Carly's words.  
  
"When Rick had you in their home, did you think Elizabeth knew?"  
  
"No. She's not that clever." Carly scoffed.  
  
"Did you think that if she found you that she would leave you there and go along with Rick's plan."  
  
"No, she might be a brat but she's not crazy." Carly offered.  
  
Sonny opened the door and found his two favorite ladies on the couch.  
  
"Carly, you putting ideas in my sister's head?" He asked, jokingly.  
  
She smiled, "No."  
  
"You need to rest. Come back over to the penthouse, I'll make it worth it." He said, smiling and showing his dimples.  
  
She smiled, "I cannot refuse and offer like that."  
  
She turned back to Courtney, "If you need anything . . ."  
  
Courtney smiled, "Okay."  
  
As soon as Carly was gone, Courtney gathered her purse and jacket and left the penthouse.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
After her early morning stroll in the park, Elizabeth had come back to her studio and crashed on the couch. She woke up with a horrible headache and was reminded of her actions the night before by the empty bottle of wine on her table. She was not one whom usually drank. She usually hated the taste of alcohol. But last night she had let herself get drunk because she did not want to feel anything.  
  
It had worked, for the most part. But suddenly she remembered the little girl in the park, her own vision of the daughter she lost, and she felt as though her heart had been ripped out again.  
  
She refused to cry, tried to hold in the tears, but they came and she brushed them away.  
  
She suddenly remembered her confrontation with Courtney. She had thought the day before that there might be a chance of reconciling but now she knew it was too late. She scolded herself for the slip of her tongue the day before and ruining whatever chance she had to renew her friendship with Courtney.  
  
She then recalled her confrontation in the park with Rick and looked down at her vacant ring finger in disgust. She scolded herself for not seeing what was in front of her, his lies and deceit. She scolded herself for not seeing that within the walls of her home a woman was being held hostage. How could she have been so blind to something that everyone else could see plain as day? She had been warned, but did she listen, no.  
  
She recalled the fight with Lucky in the park and knew that she would have to apologize to him. He had only been looking out for her and she did not blame him for that. There had been a time in he life where she had needed him and he had been there unconditionally, and the guilt set in as she recalled yelling at him. He was only being himself, the man that she had at one point considered spending her life with, and felt horrible for being so cruel.  
  
Everything had been so much simpler then, not easier, but simpler. She knew who she was then, she was Lucky's girlfriend, and all she needed was him by her side.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. She made her way to the door and opened it, surprised to find Courtney there.  
  
She hoped that Courtney did not intend to fight because she was not in the mood.  
  
"I just need an honest answer from you and I'll go." She offered.  
  
Elizabeth leaned against the door and awaited the question.  
  
"Did you let me confide in you so that you could use it to ruin my relationship with Jason so you could have him back?"  
  
Elizabeth looked her straight in the eyes and honestly replied, "No."  
  
She smiled, seemingly pleased with the answer.  
  
Elizabeth moved out of the way, "Do you want to come in?"  
  
"No, I should go." She offered.  
  
As she started to leave, Elizabeth called to her and she turned.  
  
"Courtney, for what it is worth, I hope you remember that I'm here. I know how you feel and how much it hurts. I know that not a minute goes by where you don't feel that empty void inside yourself and wonder what might have been. Just remember, you're not alone."  
  
"I will." She said with a smile and walked off.  
  
Elizabeth shut her door and looked at the empty wine bottle in disgust. Sure, it had been a relief to feel numb for a while, but she could not live her life that way. She knew the joys of feeling loved and the knew that she would rather feel this momentary pain then feel numb for the rest of her life.  
  
She picked up the bottle and threw it in the garbage. She knew that the only way she would feel happy is if she went out and found it for herself instead of dwelling on the past.  
  
She almost jumped when once again her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She imagined it might be Courtney, with a sudden change of heart, wanting to talk. She opened the door to find Rick.  
  
Her good mood went away just as quickly as it had come.  
  
"I have nothing to say to you. Please leave." She offered, nonchalantly.  
  
"I saw you talking with Courtney."  
  
"That is none of your business, Rick. Just go away."  
  
"I'm not leaving until you hear me out."  
  
"Nothing you could possibly say could convince me to even consider going out with you or giving our marriage a second chance."  
  
"She's brainwashed you against me. All of them have. I know that you still love me, Elizabeth. I know that when you put your heart out there and love someone that you cannot just turn that off. I'm in your heart, Elizabeth. Don't listen to their lies."  
  
"Their lies, Rick? What about your lies? Everything you ever told me was a lie. Why should I ever believe anything you have to say? I don't know why I am even standing here." She said and started to shove the door.  
  
He pushed his way in and slammed the door shut.  
  
"You are going to listen! You are my wife! Lucky is not here right now. There is no one you can hide behind. You have to listen." 


	8. Truth & Justice?

**A/N: I realize that this update has been a long time coming, and I apologize. For those of you that are still interested, I will be completing all of my current incomplete stories. I am currently in school but I will attempt to make all updates as quick as possible. Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated. Thanks!**

Elizabeth suddenly remembered the baseball bat in her closet. Perhaps if she feigned interest in what Ric had to say, then maybe he would not question her moving towards the closet. Without many options, she decided to give it a shot.

"Fine," She paused, her voice shaky, "I'll listen—but only if you lower your voice."

Ric took a few steps closer to her and she took a few steps closer to the closet door.

"It was Sonny," He began, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes, "Sonny pushed you down the stairs. Sonny is the reason we lost our baby. I could have handled it better—but I didn't. I acted without thinking it through. Could you forgive me?"

Despite the fact that she was trying not to agitate him, or make him suspicious of her, she could not help but protest his revelations, "I know you, Rick. You don't do anything before you think it through. You were upset, you hate Sonny—and you thought you had a legitimate reason to go after him. But Sonny didn't push me—"

Agitated, he took another step closer to her, causing her to back up further, "You don't remember, Elizabeth. It's the only logical explanation."

"It may be logical, Ric, but if you knew Sonny at all then you'd know that he could never do such a thing—"She spit back.

Raising his voice, Ric yells back, "Am I hearing you right? Are you defending him?"

She finally backed up completely to the wall, her back pressed against the door.

"No, I'm not. I'm telling you what I know. I know this because I know Sonny—I know what he is capable of." She retorts.

"He is a mobster. He kills people. He orders his lackeys to beat people within an inch of their lives . . ." He begins.

"Ric . . ." She begins, trying to assure him as her hand found the doorknob of her closet.

Irritated, he interrupts her, "You can't honestly be defending him . . . you walked away from Jason because of that life. But you defend Sonny?"

Without thinking, Elizabeth fires back, "You know nothing about my relationship with Jason. You have no right to make comparisons about what you know nothing about."

Disgusted, and slightly jealous, Ric fires back, "You still defend him, and Sonny, but you won't hear me out?"

Elizabeth forgets entirely about the bat and allows her hand to leave the doorknob, "I'm listening, Ric, but all you are saying is the same thing over and over. You blame Sonny for whatever is wrong and you try to remedy the situation by getting revenge. I'm tired of it, and frankly, I'm outraged that you would use our daughter's death as an excuse to go after Sonny."

Before Ric can reply, Jason bursts through the door.

Ric looks at Jason in disgust, "If it isn't Saint Jason, here to rescue Elizabeth from her husband . . ."

Jason ignores Ric's quip and focuses his attention on Elizabeth, "Are you okay?"

She nods.

Ric laughs slightly to himself, and turns to Elizabeth, "Please, do tell, how you've suddenly allowed him back in your life when you refuse to give me a second chance?"

"He's changed, Ric, which is something I don't think you're capable of." She pauses, "Please, leave."

Ric, knowing that Jason would gladly beat him within an inch of his life, starts towards the door. He turns back to Elizabeth and Jason and offers sarcastically, "I'll let you two get back to rebuilding that relationship of yours."

Jason approaches her but she interrupts before he can say anything, "Thank you for coming, Jason, but you can leave now."

"Are you sure?" He asks, concerned.

"I've been doing fin on my own. With the exception of that night at Kelly's, I've done this alone just fine." She paused, choosing to leave out the escapades from the night before, "So thank you for that, but you should go. I know better than to lean on you, Jason."

Before he can think he replies, "If you were doing so well, Elizabeth, why'd you down a whole bottle of champagne last night?"

Elizabeth looks at him startled, "Have you been surveilling me?"

He does not answer but she can read his answer in his eyes. She is offended, "Leave."

He wanted to explain, to tell her that Sonny had ordered him to. He did not want her to look at him the way she was looking at him now, like he disgusted her. But maybe, he thought, this would make it easier for them both—if they hated each other. Maybe then they could get past the lingering feelings that both were trying so hard to pretend were no longer with them, but failing miserably.

"If that's what you want." He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

She said nothing but he did not need to hear anything more. He turned and walked out of her studio, shutting the door behind him.

**------**

On her way back to the penthouse, Courtney considers Elizabeth's words. Elizabeth had sounded genuine. Perhaps her slip of the tongue had been a mistake, despite Carly's insistence that it was not. Part of her wished that Carly was right so that she could have someone to blame for her current relationship problems with Jason. But she had known Elizabeth prior to their arguments regarding Jason and she knew that Elizabeth was a sincere person. And despite her hesitation to befriend her, due to Carly's advice, she hoped that her and Elizabeth could somehow mend their friendship.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Faith Roscoe's voice, "This whole thing turned out better than I could have hoped. Ric took the bait and went after Sonny just as expected—although, I never would have anticipated him kidnapping Carly." She paused, "Little Miss Muppet was predictable as always and ran to defend Jason and Sonny. Soon Ric will take care of them, the misses will be disgusted, and her rejection will lead him right into my arms . . ."

Courtney peered around the corner and saw that Faith was bragging to one of her henchman. Courtney wanted to make her presence known, tell Faith what she thought of her, but she knew it would be a dangerous choice to make. Faith had no clue that she was there and it would be best if she never found out. She concealed herself in the shadows once more and listened to Faith as she continued to brag.

". . . and if he is ever to find out about my role in her little fall, he'll be overjoyed that I saved him for having to settle down with her for the rest of his days."

Shocked and disgusted, Courtney slinked away unnoticed. As soon as she was far enough away she considered what she had heard. Faith had been responsible for Elizabeth's miscarriage. Her first instinct was to run back to Elizabeth's studio and tell her everything. If Elizabeth had been in her place she would have wanted her to do the same. But Courtney could not bring herself to walk in that direction.

Perhaps she could tell Sonny or Jason. They could "take care" of Faith and Elizabeth would never have to know.

But a better thought came to mind and before Courtney completely thought it through, she was on her way.

**------**

Ric was on his way home when his path intersected with Courtney's.

"Just the woman I was looking for . . ." He spit out sarcastically.

She looked at him quizzically as he continued, ". . . Jason Morgan's little girlfriend . . .Sonny's little sister. How does it feel to know your second best in the eyes of the man you love? I guess it would be similar to how I feel, although, with Elizabeth hanging out with all of her exes, like Lucky and Jason, I might be third in her list of priorities."

She said nothing and Ric felt he need to elaborate, "Did you know that your boyfriend is over at Elizabeth's studio right now? Their rebuilding their relationship. Isn't that sweet? The tortured soul mates are finding their way back to each other after months of fighting to get away from one another . . . it's so touching . . ."

Courtney made the mistake of listening and than began to question her plan. What if Elizabeth had lied and used the information Courtney had told her as a method to get to Jason. What if Carly was right? But after a moment, she chided herself for her concern over something so selfish.

"Ric," She paused, considering how to approach the sensitive topic, "There is something you need to know . . ."

"What could you possibly know that I would be remotely interested in?" He spit back.

She paused, "I know that that you blame Sonny—and I don't really know why I am even bothering to tell you this. But I thought that you should know that Sonny did not push Elizabeth . . . Faith Roscoe did."

He looked at her for a moment trying to decipher whether or not she was being honest. After a moments hesitation, he began to listen.

"I overheard her talking to someone. She said she pushed Elizabeth so that you would retaliate against Sonny and Elizabeth would go running to his defense. You would get upset and hurt Sonny, causing Elizabeth to push you away, and you would find comfort in her arms."

"When did you hear this?" He asked, slightly suspicious.

"Tonight."

"Have you told Elizabeth?" He asked, curious.

"No," She paused, "You are the first person that I have told."

She watched him analyze her words and the emotions that played out on his face. After a long moment of silence he concluded, "Don't tell her. I'll handle this."

Before another word could be spoken between them, Ric took off, leaving Courtney alone on pier contemplating what she had just started and whether or not to tell Elizabeth.

------

"Hello?" Faith answered her phone, curious as to who could be calling.

"It's Ric. I need to see you." He said, trying to control himself long enough to convince her to meet him.

She smiled knowingly, "I'm busy . . . can it wait?"

"I'm taking down Sonny, tonight." He began, causing her to smile even more.

"Where are you?" She questioned.

"I'm at my house."

"I'll be right there." She said, extremely excited.

"Bring a gun. Something that isn't registered. I don't want to leave any clues." He said, controlled.

"So very efficient, I love that about you." She said, demurely, "I'll see you soon."

He smiled, mission accomplished. He hung up the phone and waited.

-----

Courtney was sitting on the bench overlooking the water. Her thoughts drawn to Elizabeth and her miscarriage. Because of Ric and the enemies he had made, Elizabeth had lost a child. Unlike her own miscarriage, Elizabeth's was not natural. She herself could not imagine learning that her miscarriage had been part of someone's plan to hurt someone else.

She considered she own miscarriage. What if she had not miscarried but instead been targeted by one of Jason or Sonny's enemies. What if, as a way to get to them, these enemies had destroyed the life of her unborn child?

A sick thought entered her mind—perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps it was nature's way of telling her that if she wanted to be with Jason, the life he lead could have consequences far beyond what she had originally thought.

She needed Jason. And according to Ric, he was with Elizabeth at her studio. She quickly made her way towards the studio.

Jason's cell phone rang, waking him up from his dreamless sleep. He was on the couch, in his living room, where he had been since arriving home.

"Morgan." He answered, sleepishly.

"Jase—Marco told me that you told him to watch Elizabeth. I thought I told you to do it."

He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake himself up, "Ric was over there. The only way I could get him to leave was to make my presence known. She found out we were watching and was not too pleased. She asked me to leave so I did. Marco is still there."

"Where are you?"

"The penthouse."

"Did you come straight home after you left her studio?" Sonny questioned.

"Yes." He answered, curiously, fully awake.

"Someone took care of Faith Roscoe tonight. Someone dumped the body at the bottom of the stairs that Elizabeth fell down."

Jason was speechless as he attempted to figure who could have done it, and why. Suddenly he looked around the penthouse and then walked towards the stairs. He covered up the receiver and yelled up the stairs, "Courtney?"

No one came. He yelled a second time and still no response. He looked around the penthouse to see if there was any sign of her having been back home since he had fallen asleep but there was none. He put the phone back up to his ear again, "Courtney isn't here."

Sonny sighed, "You think she could have done this?"

"I don't know—but I know she isn't here."

"Did she say where she was going to?" Sonny questioned, unbeknown to him that Jason and Courtney were going through a rough time.

"No." Jason said, not feeling like going into a long explanation.

"Try and find out where she is. I've got Benny working on this. Call me if you hear anything."

Jason ended the call and was out the door.

-----

Elizabeth had attempted to fall asleep on the lumpy couch in her studio but had not been successful. Jason's words hung in the air and as much as she tried to escape them, they remained.

"If that's what you want."

It wasn't what she wanted. She wanted back her friendship with Jason. She knew that his life was not for her, but she could not imagine a life without him in it. She tried to tell herself that it would be easier this way—to have him out of her life completely. But with each passing moment, or resurfacing memory, it became harder.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. For a brief moment she wondered if it was Jason. She glanced at herself in the mirror, brushed her fingers through her hair, and opened the door.

"Hey." Courtney offered, solemnly, "Can I--?"

"Sure." Elizabeth said, and moved aside to let the blond inside her studio.

She shut the door behind her and then turned toward her.

"I believe what you said before, that you had not intended to tell Jason. I'm sorry about the way I treated you when you came to tell me." Courtney began.

"I'm sorry that I made things worse—"Elizabeth began.

Courtney interrupted her, "Do you still love him?"

Elizabeth was taken aback by her question. It was personal and it was awkward, to say the least.

"I . . ."


	9. Friends

**A/N: This is the last chapter. Thank you all for reading. I hope you liked it. Please review. Thank you!**

Mac Scorpio stared at the crime scene photographs attempting to find something he had missed the first time around. After a few minutes, and no luck, he closed the folder and threw it towards the end of his desk. It went further than expected and the pictures fluttered to the floor. He stood up and starting collecting them when the door to his office opened.

Mac looked up, "What have ya got, Paul?"

"The gun that was used was not registered . . ."

Mac interrupted, "Big surprise. What else?"

"The guy who did this knew what he was doing. No fingerprints were recovered at the scene or on the body." He paused, "We did however pull some hair off the body that has been cross-checked by Ms. Roscoe's and is definitely not hers. The hair is definitely from a male."

"Anything else?" Mac asked, hopeful.

"She had a cell phone with her. The last call received was within half and hour of the predicted time of death, but was blocked. We contacted the company and they forwarded the number. We ran it through and got a match . . ." He paused to look down at his file, "A Mr. Richard Lansing."

"Have you sent uniforms to his address?" Mac asked, encouraged.

"Yes, but they found the place empty."

Mac ran a hand through his hair, "Contact every uniform that is out and tell them to keep a look out. I want some uniforms dispatched to talk to friends, acquaintances . . . his ex-wife." He paused, "And get some uniforms over to visit Corinthos, make sure he and Morgan have an alibi."

"Yes, sir." He said, and then turned to leave.

"Paul—"Mac yelled, getting his attention, "I'll talk with his wife."

"Yes, sir."

------

"Morgan." Jason answered his cell phone.

"It's Marco—"

Jason cut him off before he could get out another word, "What happened?"

"Nothing yet," He paused, looking through the lone window in Elizabeth's studio, "But Courtney just showed up."

Jason said nothing, his thoughts drawn to why Courtney had gone over to the studio.

"What do you want me to do?" Marco asked.

He sighed, "Keep an eye out, I'll be over there soon."

"Okay—wait a sec, is tha—"Macro started, but the phone went dead.

"Marco?" Jason yelled, "Dammit."

------

Sonny walked over to his wet bar and poured himself a drink. He paused for a moment before taking a sip and then downing the whole glass.

A knock interrupted him. Johnny opened the door, "Ric Lansing is here."

"Let him in," Sonny sighed, annoyed.

Ric walked in, his air of arrogance seemed to have disappeared. He seemed shaky, almost nervous. Sonny caught on to the change quickly.

"What do you want, Ric?" He offered, curiously.

"I want to apologize, big brother," He began, causing Sonny to study him in disbelief, "I blamed you for what happened to Elizabeth . . . but it was my fault."

Sonny could not believe what he was hearing and remained silent, waiting for Ric to continue.

"Elizabeth lost our baby because of an enemy I had made. I was too blinded by my hatred of you to really see that. Elizabeth defended you to me, saying that you and Carly had been though something similar, that she had comforted you after the loss of you baby, and she knew without a doubt that it could not have been you. But I was arrogant, and I refused to listen to her. I took her words as betrayal, seeing in her defense of you that she put you above me—just as our mother had—and it just made my hatred of you grow. It overpowered my better judgment . . ."

"Why are you telling me this, Ric?" Sonny paused, and then spit back bitterly, "Do you think that this justifies you kidnapping my pregnant wife? Holding her hostage in a panic room?"

"I—"Ric begins.

Sonny interrupts, "Nothing you can say can justify what you did. If you have come for forgiveness, too bad."

"I thought that maybe I could appeal to you—that maybe I could make you understand. You've lost a child, Sonny. Can't you understand where I'm coming from?"

"No," Sonny yells back, "Get out."

Ric spits back, "Tonight I did you a favor, Sonny."

Before Sonny can fully comprehend his brother's statement, Ric was gone. Sonny pours himself another drink and takes a hearty sip. His thoughts are drawn to the red smear on Ric's shirt. He considered doing his civil duty and reporting it but could he turn in his own brother? If after everything that had transpired between them, could he in good conscious turn Ric over to the PCPD?

--------

"I—"Elizabeth begins, turning away from Courtney, "I am very uncomfortable with this."

"Why?" Courtney asked.

"It's not a question that I get asked everyday . . ." Elizabeth begins, turning towards her, "How would you feel if I asked you if you still loved A.J.?"

She considered it and responded, "No, I don't. A part of me will always care about him, despite the lies he told me and I told myself during our relationship. But any love that I felt for him disappeared when I realized that he was so insecure that he felt the need to fake someone stalking me so that he could be my 'knight in shining armor'."

Elizabeth was silent as she turned away from Courtney again, her eyes catching on the edge of a canvas stuck in the corner. It was "The Wind".

"How can you just turn your love off for someone?" Elizabeth asked, intrigued, "Because I really wish I could do that."

Courtney looked at her with curiosity and asked with a hint of disgust, "Do you still love Ric?"

Elizabeth sat down on her couch. She turned away in embarrassment as she whispered, "Yes."

"How could you, after everything he has done?" Courtney implored.

"I still love the idea of him," She paused, "The life we imagined together. The dreams that we made. The man that I thought he was when I married him." She paused, choked up, "I thought that everything that was wrong in our relationship would fix itself. That our love for one another was strong enough to weather anything . . . I still love him because I still haven't completely given up on the idea that I have of him in my mind."

Courtney listened on, intrigued. Her thoughts drifted to A.J. Was she completely over him like she had expressed to Elizabeth? Or were there some feelings that still lingered somewhere inside of her? Were her dreams of the life she could have lead with A.J. still buried deep within her?

Tears welled up in Elizabeth's eyes as she turned to Courtney and so earnestly asked, "Please tell me how to stop loving him."

Courtney sat down beside her and sighed, "You've done it before, haven't you?" She paused, "How did you learn to stop loving Lucky?"

A few tears fell down her cheeks, but she brushed them away.

"I never did," She began, whole-heartedly, "I still love him. I will always wish for the life we planned out together. Every time I see him, for one split second, he is everything to me. We didn't willingly end things—we were forced by circumstances beyond our control . . . I guess that is why I can't let go. We didn't have a chance . . ."

"Do you feel the same about Jason?" Courtney asked, hopeful that Elizabeth would not avoid the question again.

Elizabeth said nothing, but nodded in agreement before turning away from Courtney. Courtney let out a sigh that she had not known she was holding. Elizabeth brushed the tears from underneath her eyes and turned to Courtney.

Elizabeth sighed, "There was never a good time with Jason. There was always something in the way: Lucky, Zander, or his business. We never had a chance to love each other right. The love was there, but circumstances were never right. I walked away because my heart couldn't take it anymore, not because I did not love him."

"Do you still love him?" Courtney inquired, her voice filled with understanding rather than jealously.

"I want Lucky happy. And I know in my heart of hearts, that no matter how much I love—loved him, that he and I were not meant to end up together. When he finds the person that he is meant to be with, I'm not going to be jealous because I will know that he will be loved that way that he deserves." She paused, "And I want the same for Jason . . ."

She made sure to meet Courtney's eyes, ". . . If you love him the way that he deserves to be loved, then you are what I wish for him."

Elizabeth laughs slightly, "I won't deny that I was jealous and hurt when you two got together. But I see that you make each other happy . . ."

Courtney interrupted, "I'm sorry for the way we got together. I'm sorry that you got hurt. That was never our intention." 

Elizabeth smiled, believing her without question. At that moment she saw the Courtney she knew before Jason had come between them. Courtney drew a similar conclusion.

Elizabeth let out a watery laugh, "I feel so stupid . . . I ran to Ric because I was hurting and I was blinded by my heartache to see what was really going on. And when I finally did, I thought that we could save each other. But I was wrong . . ."

Courtney drew from her own experience and attempted to reassure Elizabeth.

"Hey," Courtney started, getting her attention, "You weren't wrong to believe that you could change him."

Elizabeth turned to Courtney, "Are you trying to change Jason?"

--------

Sonny shut the door to the bedroom that contained his sleeping wife and sighed. She had been asleep for a little while. The silence in the penthouse was slowly driving him insane. He repeatedly had gone up to glance at her sleeping form to make sure that she was still there. To make sure that he had not let her down again.

Johnny appeared at the bottom of the stairs, "Sonny?"

He glanced down and met the younger man's eyes, and for a split second saw concern within them.

"The PCPD is here."

He sighed and walked down the stairs to meet a generic uniformed police officer. He was surprised that Commissioner Scorpio had not come himself. But just as he was about to speak up, Mac entered the penthouse.

"What news do you have regarding the murder of Ms. Roscoe?" The uniform asked him.

He directed his answer towards Mac Scorpio, "Ric Lansing did it."

"And why should we take your word for it? Mac asked, unconvinced, "You are obviously biased."

Sonny sighed and poured himself a drink, "He did it because he found out that Faith was the one that pushed Elizabeth down the stairs. If you don't believe me, fine. But the longer you stand here, the more time you are giving him to get away."

"Do you have any idea where he might be hiding out?" Mac asked, realizing the truth in Sonny's statement.

Sonny hesitated only a moment, "With his ex-wife."

Mac turned and left without another word spoken between them.

-------

Before Courtney can answer, Ric barges in the studio. Elizabeth jumps up from the couch and looks at him with a mixture of surprise and disgust.

"Ric, get out of here." She says, forcefully, without hesitation.

He notes Courtney's presence and says, "I guess you've told her?"

Elizabeth looks at Ric and then at Courtney with confusion, "Told me what?"

"Sweetheart . . ." He begins, approaching her, but she turns her attention to Courtney.

"What don't I know?" She demanded.

"Sweetie, listen . . ." Ric protests, but Elizabeth phases him out, and turns back to Courtney.

"I overheard Faith Roscoe talking to someone . . . she mentioned that she pushed you down the stairs."

Elizabeth stood frozen, not fully registering what had been said. Before she could fully comprehend it, Ric was by her side, "Don't worry, I-I've taken care of it, sweetheart."

Her frozen spell breaks and she turns to Ric in disgust and spits out bitterly, "You've 'taken care' of it, Ric? What does that mean? Did you kidnap her? Have you locked her in the panic room? Did you drug her? Did you _rape _her?"

He flinches at the tone in her voice and her accusations.

"I—"Ric begins to protest, but is forced to stop when someone reaches around him to take his hands to cuff them.

"Richard Lansing, you are under arrest for the murder of Faith Roscoe. You have the right to remain silent. If you waive this right, anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney . . ."

"Elizabeth, I did this for us . . ." Ric yells out.

She turns away from him as Mac takes him from the studio. When they leave, Courtney shuts the door and then stares apprehensively at Elizabeth's head.

"I'm so sorry, Elizabeth, "She paused, "I wanted to tell you. I came over here to do just that. But I couldn't do it."

She turns to Courtney with tears in her eyes, "I'm not mad. I understand." She pauses, choked up, "It doesn't bring her back . . ."

She sits down on the couch and Courtney joins her.

"I've been morning for so long because I really had no closure," She pauses, "I knew that I didn't trip. I knew that someone pushed me. And I guess that I just needed to know why."

She brushes her hair away from her face, "I wanted to confront who did it, but I guess I won't have the chance . . . and I already know the answer to my question."

"What would you have asked her?" Courtney asked, curious.

"Why?" She sighed, her voice sounding vacant.

Her demeanor quickly changes, "I know now that its better this way," She pauses, "She would have symbolized a love that is no longer existent. I wouldn't want that life for her. I grew up in a family like that. I knew then, and I especially know now, that there is something better out there. I told myself that if I ever had children, they would not grow up in an environment like that."

Without realizing it, Courtney wraps an arm around Elizabeth. The petite brunette does not seem to notice, lost in her own thoughts.

Courtney's thoughts drifted to her own loss. What if she had not miscarried? Would it have changed her relationship with Jason? Would she be able to play the role of mother while knowing full well the life that Jason led? Could she be as confident in her child's safety as Carly was? Was she strong enough?

"Courtney?" Elizabeth said, interrupting her thoughts.

Courtney turned towards Elizabeth.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but do you think you could leave?" She paused, "I think I just need some time to myself."

"Oh, sure." Courtney said, getting up, "It's not rude at all."

Courtney paused at the door, "Elizabeth," She called, getting her attention, "I'm sorry."

Elizabeth smiled slightly, "Having you here made it easier."

Courtney smiled back and then closed the door behind her.

------

"Marco, what happened?" Jason called out as soon as he was in sight of the guard.

"Oh, my cell battery went dead." He offered, candidly.

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose.

Marco filled him in, "Ric stopped by. He got Elizabeth upset, but didn't hurt her in any way. Mac Scorpio showed up and took him into custody."

Jason looked across the way into the window of Elizabeth's studio. He saw Courtney leaving. For a second he is conflicted as to who he should go to. He rushes out of the building and crosses the street. He heads inside the building and runs into Courtney.

"Jason?" Courtney calls, getting his attention.

He turns and meets her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, curious.

He doesn't answer her, his expression stonewalled. She doesn't attempt to get him to answer, assuming it is business.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

They sat down together, side by side on the stairs. She brushed some fallen hair behind her ear, took a long breath, and began.

"I love you, and I know that you love me. I know that you are angry and I now truly understand what I did to you. I'm sorry, Jason." She paused, choked up, "I'm so sorry."

He pulled her into his arms and against his chest, attempting to reassure her that not all was lost. They remained like that for a few minutes until Courtney pulls away.

"Jason . . ." She pauses to collect herself, "I thought I could handle this life that you lead. And I think that maybe I could if I never wanted to have children. But I do. And I am afraid that no matter how safe we think we might be, we are always in danger. And I don't want that life for my children. I don't want to have to pull them out of school and shuffle them between a safe house and the island."

"So, what are you saying?" Jason asked, upset.

"I'm saying that I love you," She paused, ". . . That despite how much I love you, we could never work. Elizabeth was smart; she could see before you two got involved that it would not work and she backed away . . . She ran to Ric because she thought he was safe, that he could give her the life she wanted. And she stayed with him because she thought that her love could change him . . . I think that is why I've stayed with you. I thought that my love could convince you to change your ways, but it can't. This is your life and it will be a lonely one. But it doesn't have to be. And it doesn't have to be my life."

Courtney kisses him once and then leaves him alone on the stairs to contemplate her words.

------

Elizabeth starts to clean up her studio in an attempt not to think about her recent discovery. She gathers up the garbage and starts down the stairs to throw the bag away in the dumpster. As she hurries down the stairs she catches sight of Jason and stops dead in her tracks. He turns upon hearing the noise of her heals on the stairs and their eyes meet.

She can tell that something has happened.

"Hey."

"Hey." He replies weakly.

She hesitates for a moment and sits down beside him, "I'm sorry for what I said to you before."

She waits until he meets her eyes before she continues, "In the past you have been a really good friend to me. I took you for granted, jerked you around, and put everyone first before you. I haven't been a good friend, especially as of late. But I'd really like to try again, to be the friend that you deserve."

"You've been a good friend." He offered, hallow sounding.

She shook her head, "Tell me what happened. Let me help if I can."

He offered, matter-of-factly, "Courtney and I aren't together anymore."

"I'm sorry." She offered, whole-heartedly.

His cell phone rang and he sent her an apologetic look before answering it.

"Morgan."

"Jase, it's Sonny."

"Ric didn't put up a fight. He plead guilty."

Jason stole a glance at Elizabeth, who pointed at her garbage bag and then left him alone to talk to Sonny.

"Do you want me to—"

"No," Sonny started, "He did it, he'll do him time."

The next day, Elizabeth was finishing her shift at Kelly's when the bell above the door jingled. She looked up and saw Courtney there. She gave the blond a slight smile as she crossed the room towards her.

"Hey." Courtney begins.

"Hey," Elizabeth starts, "Do you want anything?"

Courtney shakes her head, "Do you have a minute?"

Elizabeth nods and they sit down at a vacant table.

"I ran into Jason," Elizabeth began, "He told me that you two broke up."

Courtney nodded, "I thought a lot about what you told me. Jason and I would never work."

"I'm sorry." Elizabeth said, whole-heartedly.

At that moment, the tension that had existed between them seemed to dissipate. They sat in silence for a moment, neither sure what to say. It was Coutney who broke the silence.

"Do you think that when your shift is over, that you'd like to go shopping or something?"

Elizabeth smiled, nodded, and then glanced at the clock.

"It's actually over now." She offered, getting up and removing her apron.

Courtney smiled and then waited while Elizabeth gathered her things. They walked out of Kelly's together, chatting about the good sale at the mall.

----

A/N: I ended this like I did for a reason. There are a lot of Liason and Journey fans of this fic. If I had chosen to keep one couple I would have been forced to upset half the readers. Thus, by leaving it open ended—in that it could eventually end up Liason or Journey (or neither)—I hoped to come to a conclusion that you might not all particularly enjoy, but one you could live with. And the main theme of this story was not that of a romantic relationship, but of a friendship. So, I'm sorry if this doesn't make you happy, but this is my choice. Thank you for reading.


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